A Tender and Transformative Memoir About a Daughter’s Love, Guilt, and Grief for Her Mother
Author Michelle Zauner is the only child of a Korean mother and an American/Caucasian father. Her parents lived in several places worldwide during the mid-1980s before landing again in Seoul where Michelle was born. When her father received a job at a truck brokerage company in Eugene, Oregon, the small family immigrated and stayed there. Michelle was a year old. She grew up in this small college town with a mother named Chongmi who fully embraced her Korean heritage, especially the cuisine. As is the case with many daughters, the relationship with her mother was fraught. Michelle wanted to be a rock star–literally. Her mother wanted her to go to college and get married. They bickered. They made up. They loved each other. They hated each other. It’s a common story.
But when Michelle’s mom was diagnosed with an aggressive form of terminal cancer when Michelle was 25, their world as they knew it falls apart. Michelle, having graduated from Bryn Mawr College (chosen for its far distance from Eugene), was creating a life for herself in Philadelphia as an indie singer, songwriter, and guitarist in a band. But when she received the fateful call, she dropped everything and flew home to Eugene to care for her mother.
And while there are plenty of flashbacks to Michelle’s growing-up years, this is primarily a memoir of a devoted daughter caring for her beloved mother in her last months of life. That reversal of roles—the daughter caring for the mother—is so poignant. This tender and transformative memoir is riveting. While much of it is very sad, there is a lot of humor and heart woven throughout as Michelle shares her very personal journey of living, grieving, and healing, including how she worked through her grief with music and Korean food.
And the title? H Mart is an Asian grocery store chain. Whenever Michelle would step foot in the store after her mother died, she would just stand there and cry because it was the food sold in these aisles that would forever tie her to her mother.
Mother – daughter relationship
Michelle Zauner honors the life and memory of her late cancer stricken mother and their mercurial relationship, in her memoir, CRYING IN H MART (Knopf). She works through grief by learning how to cook Korean food, which helps her cope and connect with her Korean heritage.
Zauner’s is half Korean and the founding member of the band, Japanese Breakfast, which has received two Grammy nominations. Her mother was Korean and her father American. CRYING IN H MART straddles the journey of a complex young woman and the two cultures she grows up in. She was raised in the predominantly white neighborhood of Eugene, Oregon, where she says she was slowly “suffocating from boredom.” After college, she left for New York City to pursue her artistic ambitions.
She returns to Eugene when her mother starts to experience the effects of chemotherapy. Zauner’s early relationship with her mother was fraught with misunderstandings, arguing and only when her mother gets sick does she struggle to be a good daughter. By learning to cook Korean food, Zauner attempts to uncover the positive moments with her mother, instead of just focusing on the sick woman.
I love reading memoirs and Zauner’s touched my heart. Her mother died when Mauner was twenty-five, so her teen years of acting out are fresh in her mind. I could relate to many of her stories. She courageously bares the wounds of caretaking and losing her mother. I knew absolutely nothing about Korean food or culture before reading CRYING IN H MART, and believe I’m better for the exposure.
CRYING IN H MART is being produced as a film by Orion Pictures.
A Memoir Worth Reading
This is a memoir by Korean-American singer, songwriter and guitarist, Michelle Zauner. This book covers a lot of ground: the relationship between mother and daughter through the years, coping with the emotional distress of learning at a young age (25) that her mother is suffering from an incurable cancer, ultimately coping with the loss of her mother, her grandmother and her aunt within a brief period of time, and throughout it all learning to recreate her love for her lost relatives through the exquisite Korean foods her mother was so skilled at making for her family. This was a very different reading experience for me, but one that I found quite interesting.
A Taste of Korea
“Crying in H Mart” is a heartfelt memoir of a daughter looking back on her relationship with her mother. The story is a recounting of the age-old challenge of a mother and daughter struggling to relate to one another’s worlds and the resulting tensions from differing perspectives and expectations. Beyond generational differences, cultural differences further complicate communication for this Korean-American daughter and her Korean mother. Their one common ground – Korean food which serves as a means to nurture and show love as well as an expression of their cultural identity and sense of self. And, upon her mother’s death, Korean food is a means for the daughter to deal with loss as each dish brings with it a cherished memory.
Cultures Collide in this Korean/American Memoir
The first thing I thought when I saw this book title is: what’s an H Mart? The H Mart, it turns out is a Korean grocery chain and food looms large in this memoir by a young author who is of mixed race (Korean Mother/ American Father). The author‘s mother is desperate to instill Korean food and recipes into her daughter’s American life but hits a brick wall with her “American” teenager.
But fast forward and the mother /daughter bond grows as the daughter enters young adulthood and the mother is diagnosed with a life-changing illness. The daughter becomes the caretaker and tries desperately to repeat the Korean recipes her Mom treasures. (The father is definitely on the sidelines in this memoir).
I haven’t read a memoir in a long time- and glad I got to read this one. My only criticism is that the author did not describe the foods more so that we could visualize the many dishes that she incorporates into the book: how about a couple of Korean recipes that Americans could take on? Or a glossary with food descriptions would help. But don’t let this deter you from a devastating, but hopeful look at a mother-daughter relationship caught up in cross-cultural tension.
Very Touching
This book is part grief memoir, part cultural exploration. The author loses her mother to cancer which leaves her feeling empty and unmoored. Her mother was her only connection to her Korean heritage which was demonstrated through her delicious, traditional Korean cooking. Zauner grows up completely taking this for granted until she loses it. The book follows the author through her mother’s illness and death and then follows the author’s attempt to re-connect with her Korean roots by learning to cook authentic dishes. The book is quite tender and emotional and Foodies will love the descriptions of the cuisine. Crying in H Mart honours Zauner’s mother and honours her Korean heritage.
